Getting Over an Ex When You Initiated the Breakup

Getting Over an Ex When You Initiated the Breakup

February 20, 2019 by PathForward
It's normal to be upset after breaking up with someone, even if it's the right decision.
It's normal to be upset after breaking up with someone, even if it's the right decision.
Sometimes, even when you’re the one who made the choice to break off with your significant other, you may still feel some unpleasant emotional repercussions.  And having these feelings of doubt, sadness, anger, and so on, often takes us by surprise because there were obviously very good reasons in place for choosing the break up.  

Why do we experience what we might term as “negative” feelings when we were expecting relief?

Well, the first thing that comes to mind is the fact that your hopes and dreams of having a loving, long-term, stable relationship were shattered.  There was a time, in the relationship, when you felt really connected to the other person and you were certain that things would work out.  So experiencing disappointment when it didn’t work out is a normal human response.

What if you’d been thinking about breaking up for a while but put it off?  

For example, what if the partner was abusive, cheated on you, had an addictive behavior problem, and the like?  And you just hung in there longer than you felt you needed to.  And now, after the fact, you’re beating yourself up, mentally and emotionally, because you are questioning yourself for staying in the relationship.
Why did you stay for so long?

Please do some introspection and give yourself a break by realizing you had your reasons for staying.  Perhaps you were waiting to see if the charming and loving person you fell in love with would make a reappearance and stay put.  Most likely, this is exactly the reason you hung in there.  In other words, you were being loving, caring and giving the other person a chance to redeem themselves.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing that.  In fact, it’s quite an admirable attribute to have.

Are you afraid that you might never find true love and that you’ll be alone for the rest of your life?  

Mostly, if this type of thought process is going on, it’s because your self-esteem has been undermined by said partner.  It’s called “projection” and almost always happens because the person projecting the negatives about your worth are really the ones with the low self-esteem issues. They’re attempting to make themselves feel better by verbally abusing you.  Again, the reality here is that you were probably the one with more inner strength and character and were being “attacked” for your inner power.  This attacking is usually done by the assailant at a subconscious level.
These are just a few examples of how you may be berating yourself for not feeling completely free immediately after a break up.  Remember, you are a spiritual being having a human experience.  And if you give yourself time and space, you’ll get to the place where you know, without a doubt, that you made the right choice.  And you’ll soon experience the freedom you desire and will be able to move forward with your life.

May your learning experience bring you to a better and stronger future.

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