However, jumping back into casual sex again can sometimes be just as stressful as the divorce. The rules of the game have changed, everyone looks younger than you and you're out of practice.Help bring yourself up to speed by using some of these tips before you start hitting the sheets again.
1. Take the time to get to know yourself again
A dead end marriage can suck the life out of your libido. Now that you're single, it's time to get it back, but first you need to take some solo time to figure out what it is that you really want and like sexually. There may be some takeaways from your previous sex life that you can apply to your future one, but ultimately, you have changed and therefore, your sexual interests may as well. Hit up some solo fun, watch adult movies and try out some Adam and Eve toys. This will give you the ability to go into a new sexual relationship with a fresh approach to your kinks and likes.
2. Be Smart and Wrap it up
Using protection again may seem weird after years of uninhibited sexual fun, but it's important that you put your safety first. It doesn't matter if you or your partner are beyond the child bearing age, you could still easily contract an STD.Carry your own protection and insist upon using it until you are in another monogamous relationship. Don't make the mistake of falling for the "I'm clean" line when it's only been four dates. The fact is they probably haven't even been tested in awhile and told the last person they were with that they were clean too. In the last decade, baby boomers have seen their STD rates double due to unprotected sex. Don't be part of the statistic.
3. Do it for the right reasons
Don't feel the sudden need to throw yourself on top of someone else just because your ex has moved on or because you're grappling with a growing void in your life. Hooking up with randoms will ultimately make you feel worse in the long run. Use your head and make good decisions. Otherwise, you're going to wake up and have some 20-something deja vu, except it will be twenty years later and you won't be able to shake the hangover and regret as quickly as you once could.
4. Be ready to be adventurous
You ditched your marriage, so it's time to throw out the default moves you used to use with your ex. Move outside of your sexual comfort zone and get ready to be a little adventurous in and outside of the bedroom. Try new positions, some dirty talk and toys.
5. Be ready to be let down
They may seem a little pessimistic, but remember back to your twenties before you got married. Was everyone you had sex with amazing? Did they know what you liked right off the bat? While the people you will be sleeping with nowadays will undoubtedly have more experience than the ones you were sleeping with pre-marriage, it doesn't mean they'll knock your socks off. Don't get discouraged if you have bad sex. It doesn't mean your sex life is doomed or that you're bad in bed. At this point, you have learned not to settle, so keep dating and keep looking for that partner that makes you happy in and outside of the bedroom.
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