We've all been there — when the doubts creep in, and you wonder if continuing forward with your relationship is the right choice. Maybe it's been a few months, and you've got the ick, or maybe it's been years, and things are a bit more complicated. So do you try to save something that's no longer serving you, or do you cut your losses and get out?
Chances are if you're reading this, things have gotten bad. Maybe you already know what you have to do, and all you need now is the courage to do it. Maybe there's still hope worth holding on to. Whatever your situation, we want to help. Sometimes, as hard as it can be to admit it, the relationship just isn't worth saving. Breakups are hard, but not as hard as staying in something that's making you unhappy.
What Are Signs the Relationship Is Over?
How do you know a relationship is over or it's the right time to move on? It's different for everyone, but here's how to tell when it's over — like, really over:
You Don't Feel Like Yourself Anymore
Relationships are about growing together, but that doesn't mean growing into someone you're not. It's important to feel valued in your relationship and have a partner who cares about celebrating you as you are, not as they want you to be. Do they give you space to do what you love? Do they appreciate the things that make you unique? Can you be yourself around them? If the answer to any of those questions is no, pull a Queen Bey and tell them, "boy, bye."
You Don't Trust Them
This one's easy. If they're shady, if they're texting other people, if they make you feel crazy for suspecting something, get out. Don't wait around for them to prove you right. Trust your intuition.
They're Not Putting in the Effort
You can only work so hard to fix something another person isn't ready to fix with you. All relationships go through periods of hardship. It's important not to put up your walls and split the second things go south, but it's also important to realize when you're the only one trying to make it better. If you've communicated why you're struggling, and they've done nothing to improve or even show they care? You're worth so much more than that.
People You Trust Are Telling You To Leave
If your best friend, your sister, your mother, your therapist, your Psychic, your work bestie, your whoever says you deserve better, believe them. Sometimes, the people in our life know us better than we know ourselves. You might think you're just fine, you're handling it, you're not showing your cracks, but the people in your corner can see through it. Trust them. They know what it looks like when you're happy, and if they say you deserve more, then they're probably right.
Listen to the people who love you—the ones who want to see you succeed and be happy and know your worth. If your partner doesn't want the same, don't choose them over those who have been by your side from the beginning.
The Intimacy Is Gone
Our sexual bodies are more in tune with our emotional needs than we realize. Lulls in sex between you and your partner can be normal, but if things have felt off for a while now, there's likely a good reason. Though perhaps more of a symptom than a sign, if you've completely lost the ability to connect with your partner, it could mean it's time to move on.
You're Staying for the Wrong Reasons
But wait, what are the wrong reasons? If you're staying because you're worried about how your relationship might affect other people, that's the wrong reason. If you're staying because you dreamed up this beautiful future together and you're sad to say goodbye to the vision, that's the wrong reason. If you're staying because you don't think you can do better or are afraid to be alone, that's the wrong reason. You're staying because you're worried about hurting them? You guessed it. That's the wrong reason.
It's OK to disappoint other people if it's the right thing for you, it's OK not to know what your future looks like without your significant other, and it's OK if you choose yourself rather than enduring something that's no longer serving you. You get to be happy. Everything else will happen exactly as it's meant to.
Tips for Ending the Relationship
If you've done the soul searching and emotional work and know it's time to head your separate ways, here's how to handle it as amicably as possible:
Do It in Person
While it might be tempting to send them a text telling them it's over, don't do it. Honor the good of your relationship and any love you still have for your partner by telling them in person. The only exception to this, of course, is if they're emotionally or physically abusive or you fear how they might react. Protect your safety and well-being above all else.
Don't make an excuse or fabricate a lie for why it's not working. Explain how you feel and why this is the best decision for you. You don't have to be hurtful, but do your best to represent your truth.
Make It a Clean Break
Avoid the urge to "stay friends," at least for a few months after your breakup. You might find each other again in the future, but trying to keep a relationship with the person almost always turns messy. Give each other space to process and grieve before trying to be a part of each other's lives again.
People can grow apart, and that's OK. The end of a relationship can come with sadness and doubt. But, if you don't allow yourself to trust the signs and to follow your own happiness, then you can't welcome the better future that's waiting for you. Talking to an experienced Psychic can help add the certainty and direction you're craving back into your life, especially during difficult times like these. But the first step is to trust yourself and decide you're ready for something better.